Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes

I’ve sat at my desk over the past couple of weeks and watched the season change. The tree outside my window has now lost all of it’s leaves. The one across the street- it held on for the longest time but now, it too is bare.

It’s getting colder. Trips to the dog park (first thing in the am and then around 5) are getting much colder. The fact that Belle doesn’t want to play, a fact that should be upsetting me, is beginning to matter less and less. I don’t have to freeze for over an hour a day? O-K!

Since the weather is still up and down, I am still running in shorts. Since I’m still cold from yesterday’s run (I've been running 9-11 km every other day with breaks for hill training anf long runs, thank you) I’m thinking it’s time to buy new tights. I’m so cheap... I don’t mind spending money on things, goodness knows, but tights, lets face it- they’re two pieces of nylon (uhh- sorry, technical fabric) sewn together. Paying more than $40? seems like a rip off. Especially because they don’t flatter, aren’t that comfortable and are more a necessity than anything. But, I should be thankful- Ottawa’s great to run in this time of year.

So, that's me. Writing a paper on parental responsibility legislation and watching the seasons change.

ch-ch-ch-changes
Turn and face the strain
ch-ch- changes
Don't want to be a richer man
Turn and face the stranger
ch-ch-ch-changes
Turn and face the strange
Time may change me
But I can't trace time
- David Bowie

Believe it or not, this was played to us at the beginning of term and the prof (I know I've told most you this story) was very kindly saying- it's going to get rough, buckle up and enjoy it. and I, in my 5 cent wisdom believed I was invincible or- something- from all of this. Anyway, tough time of year- having the time of my life. see ya

NEXT TIME: first term review! exciting updates! recipes and hot fashion tips! or something...

My Conscience

We all have friends that fill different needs or places in our hearts. My friend Derek is my conscience. I met him a couple of years ago while living in Montreal. I was working a crappy job (I know! which one?) but in the office space next door were some really cool women. Simone was one of them. So, I got to know Simone and she introduced me to her boyfriend Derek, and they quickly became two of my favorite people.
They are political and fun and non stop talkers and keep me on my toes. Because of them I felt more comfortable with activism in Montreal (albeit in a limited way) and- I found my calling as a Radical Cheerleader at the WTO protests. Thanks, guys.
They're now engaged and going to be married soon. Yahoo!

Derek sent me the piece below via email this morning and I wanted as many people to see it as possible. The war in Iraq is a human tragedy that's getting worse by the day. It's about people's lives and the destruction of several nations (the US being one of them). The lies must end. I get so angry at those who pretend this isn't our problem: WILFULL IGORANCE WILL NOT SAVE YOU. So- pass this along, cry, get angry, challenge me, challenge those who allow this to happen (the Liberal government of Canada being one - I'm looking at you Paul Martin), challenge our economic system that covets oil, the politcal system that allows the continuation of the war machine, read and research the facts, don't allow yourself to be passive. Above all, do something. That's all.

A caveat: I chose not to see the videos, reading the articles were enough. This is a cut and paste from a mass email-

Subject: U.S. Used Chemical Weapons in Iraq

Ironic that the first pretext for this unjust war was based on the
illegality of supposed weapons of mass destruction held by Iraq; the very
sorts of weapons the United States have now used in Fallujah. I don't know
what kind of media coverage this will get, so pass it on far and wide.

Two news articles follow, and three photos of civilian victims of
indiscriminate white phosphorus attacks are attached as well as are two
links to a 27-minute documentary on the subject. It is worth watching
despite its horrendousness (as are the images). If the brutality of some of
the imagery is appalling, it seems to me to be the least we can do to
witness it and to pass it on in hopes of preventing its recurrence. Our
outrage is nothing compared to that of Iraqi citizens and victims of this
barbarity. Public outrage can and must demand accountability for this
indiscriminate atrocity and violation of both international law and human
decency.

Both links here are for the same documentary. The first is for a real
player viewing within your web browser, the second is for a windows media
player version. I have also, as mentioned, attached three images of
victims. Viewer discretion is advised for both, although I encourage you to
witness and oppose the reality of that which most of us would watch in
movies without a second thought. If you choose to, don't be upset with me
for the imagery, if you don't, at least read the stories. Get angry, it's
necessary!

http://www.informationclearinghouse.info/article10907.htm (Real Player)

http://www.rainews24.rai.it/ran24/inchiesta/video/fallujah_ING.wmv (Windows
Media Video - .wmv file)

These videos and the attached images are for mature audiences only.

U.S. Used Chemical Weapons In Iraq
Veteran admits: Bodies melted away before us.

Shocking revelation RAI News 24.
White phosphorous used on the civilian populace: This is how the
US "took" Fallujah. New napalm formula also used.

11/07/05 "La Repubblica" -- -- ROME. In soldier slang they call
it
Willy Pete. The technical name is white phosphorus. In theory its purpose is
to
illumine enemy positions in the dark. In practice, it was used as a chemical
weapon in the rebel stronghold of Fallujah. And it was used not only against
enemy combatants and guerrillas, but again innocent civilians. The Americans
are responsible for a massacre using unconventional weapons, the identical
charge for which Saddam Hussein stands accused. An investigation by RAI News
24, the all-news Italian satellite television channel, has pulled the veil
from
one of the most carefully concealed mysteries from the front in the entire
US
military campaign in Iraq.

A US veteran of the Iraq war told RAI New correspondent Sigfrido
Ranucci this: I received the order use caution because we had used white
phosphorus on Fallujah. In military slag it is called 'Willy Pete'.
Phosphorus
burns the human body on contact--it even melts it right down to the bone.

RAI News 24's investigative story, Fallujah, The Concealed
Massacre,
will be broadcast tomorrow on RAI-3 and will contain not only eye-witness
accounts by US military personnel but those from Fallujah residents. A rain
of
fire descended on the city. People who were exposed to those multicolored
substance began to burn. We found people with bizarre wounds-their bodies
burned but their clothes intact, relates Mohamad Tareq al-Deraji, a
biologist
and Fallujah resident.

I gathered accounts of the use of phosphorus and napalm from a
few
Fallujah refugees whom I met before being kidnapped, says Manifesto reporter
Giuliana Sgrena, who was kidnapped in Fallujah last February, in a recorded
interview. I wanted to get the story out, but my kidnappers would not permit
it.

RAI News 24 will broadcast video and photographs taken in the
Iraqi
city during and after the November 2004 bombardment which prove that the US
military, contrary to statements in a December 9 communiqué from the US
Department of State, did not use phosphorus to illuminate enemy positions
(which would have been legitimate) but instend dropped white phosphorus
indiscriminately and in massive quantities on the city's neighborhoods.

In the investigative story, produced by Maurizio Torrealta,
dramatic
footage is shown revealing the effects of the bombardment on civilians,
women
and children, some of whom were surprised in their sleep.

The investigation will also broadcast documentary proof of the
use
in Iraq of a new napalm formula called MK77. The use of the incendiary
substance on civilians is forbidden by a 1980 UN treaty. The use of chemical
weapons is forbidden by a treaty which the US signed in 1997

Fallujah. La strage nascosta [Fallujah, The Concealed Massacre]
will
be shown on RAI News tomorrow November 8th at 07:35 (via HOT BIRDTM
statellite,
Sky Channel 506 and RAI-3), and rebroadcast by HOT BIRDTM satellite and Sky
Channel 506 at 17:00 [5 pm] and over the next two days.


Fallujah - The Hidden Massacre
Veteran admits: Bodies melted away before us
Shocking revelation RAI News 24
http://www.informationclearinghouse.info/article10907.htm
WARNING
This video contains images that depict the reality and horror of
war.
It should only be viewed by a mature audience




--


The Independent-Online edition

US forces 'used chemical weapons' during assault on city of Fallujah
By Peter Popham

Published: 08 November 2005


Powerful new evidence emerged yesterday that the United States dropped
massive
quantities of white phosphorus on the Iraqi city of Fallujah during the
attack
on the city in November 2004, killing insurgents and civilians with the
appalling burns that are the signature of this weapon.

Ever since the assault, which went unreported by any Western journalists,
rumours have swirled that the Americans used chemical weapons on the city.

On 10 November last year, the Islam Online website wrote: "US troops are
reportedly using chemical weapons and poisonous gas in its large-scale
offensive on the Iraqi resistance bastion of Fallujah, a grim reminder of
Saddam Hussein's alleged gassing of the Kurds in 1988."

The website quoted insurgent sources as saying: "The US occupation troops
are
gassing resistance fighters and confronting them with internationally banned
chemical weapons."

In December the US government formally denied the reports, describing them
as
"widespread myths". "Some news accounts have claimed that US forces have
used
'outlawed' phosphorus shells in Fallujah," the USinfo website said.
"Phosphorus
shells are not outlawed. US forces have used them very sparingly in
Fallujah,
for illumination purposes.

"They were fired into the air to illuminate enemy positions at night, not at
enemy fighters."

But now new information has surfaced, including hideous photographs and
videos
and interviews with American soldiers who took part in the Fallujah attack,
which provides graphic proof that phosphorus shells were widely deployed in
the
city as a weapon.

In a documentary to be broadcast by RAI, the Italian state broadcaster, this
morning, a former American soldier who fought at Fallujah says: "I heard the
order to pay attention because they were going to use white phosphorus on
Fallujah. In military jargon it's known as Willy Pete.

"Phosphorus burns bodies, in fact it melts the flesh all the way down to the
bone ... I saw the burned bodies of women and children. Phosphorus explodes
and
forms a cloud. Anyone within a radius of 150 metres is done for."

Photographs on the website of RaiTG24, the broadcaster's 24-hours news
channel,
www.rainews24.it, show exactly what the former soldier means. Provided by
the
Studies Centre of Human Rights in Fallujah, dozens of high-quality, colour
close-ups show bodies of Fallujah residents, some still in their beds, whose
clothes remain largely intact but whose skin has been dissolved or
caramelised
or turned the consistency of leather by the shells.

A biologist in Fallujah, Mohamad Tareq, interviewed for the film, says: "A
rain
of fire fell on the city, the people struck by this multi-coloured substance
started to burn, we found people dead with strange wounds, the bodies burned
but the clothes intact."

The documentary, entitled Fallujah: the Hidden Massacre, also provides what
it
claims is clinching evidence that incendiary bombs known as Mark 77, a new,
improved form of napalm, was used in the attack on Fallujah, in breach of
the
UN Convention on Certain Conventional Weapons of 1980, which only allows its
use against military targets.

Meanwhile, five US soldiers from the elite 75th Ranger Regiment have been
charged with kicking and punching detainees in Iraq.

The news came as a suicide car bomber killed four American soldiers at a
checkpoint south of Baghdad yesterday.

http://news.independent.co.uk/world/middle_east/article325560.ece

Cakes of Distinction, an occasional series part I

Here's a recipe for a lovely flour-less chocolate cake. Now, on Miss Nupur's blog I posted self-saucing chocolate cake as the food the I think of with the word saucy. Joanne has made it for me twice - it's a family recipe - and it's fantastic. Alas, I don't have the recipe, so... I present Laureline's Gooey Cake

Now, there's a story here. Laureline is a physicist friend Michael met while at RMC. She's so cool: one of those women who is competent, awesome and y'know French, but really nice. Her family own a patiserrie in France, and she taught me how to make this cake. Calling it Gooey Cake doesn't do it justice -unless you imagine Juliette Binoche, gazing deeply into the eyes of Johnny Depp and, while healing him with the magical powers of handmade chocolate, saying the word “gooey”. It's rich and unlike anything I had ever had. This is powerful stuff: Four simple ingredients that create something quite lovely.

1/3 Cup sugar
250 g good dark chocolate
1/3 Cup butter
6 eggs

preheat oven to 350F
melt butter & chocolate over double boiler
separate eggs- whisk whites until stiff.
Cream yolks and sugar
add the melted chocolate to the yolk mixture, fold in the whites
put 2/3 of the mix into a buttered springform pan (I cheat with this all the time & use a regular cake tin)
now-- put this into the oven in a water bath and bake for 40 minutes
the other 1/3 should be refrigerated until the baking is done-- use it as frosting.

I am not ashamed to say I have used this cake on two occasions to impress men. And it worked.

news to use

Friday morning- it's quite lovely here. Crisp and perfect. Too bad I have to visit the library stat!
I thought I'd do a little gossip round up.
Bump Watch 2005: first Britney, then Jennifer Garner and now... Katie Holmes! I love Tom Cruise and his insanity! two website (both being targeted by the litigious one)
http://www.tomcruiseisnuts.com and http://www.scientomogy.info/index.html
I think my favorite tidbit from the last couple of weeks is that Marilyn Manson is coming out with his own fragrance. Really, no words capture the horror of that one. What would it smell of? Blood?
And here's my sweetie Ted Casablanca with the Blind Vice of the week
http://www.eonline.com/Gossip/Awful/Blind/blind.051021.html
I keep getting spammed... so I know the comments section works!
hope y'all have a good weekend!

Creamy Lemon

I've had a very productive day! That almost never happens...
With hours to go before I sleep, I thought I'd waste a little time posting.
So, I was checking out one of my favorite sites, For the Fork and the Spoon
http://nupur-inthekitchen.blogspot.com/
(fabulous veggie Indian food- I was scared I'd lost her site forever but managed to track it down- thanks Google!) and she has a quiz. She names a word and you try to match the word to a food. She said creamy- i said Creamy Lemon Pudding. And have been craving the following recipe for the past day as a result:

Creamy Lemon Pudding
2 T butter
¼ C sugar
2 lemons
2 eggs
½ C flour
1 ¼ C milk
Cream butter. Add sugar, beat well. Grate the lemons, squeeze out the juice, strain, set aside. If you'd like it more lemon-y, add more rind and juice.
Separate the eggs, add one yolk at a time to the butter/ sugar mix, beating well in between. Stir in flour and gradually add the lemon juice and rind. Add milk
Whisk egg whites until stiff and fold gently into batter. this is actually quite important, it'll taste as good, but won't be as fluffy- so take the time and do it right
Place in a pie plate and bake in a 350° oven for about 40 mins. it'll be a bit golden and lovely smelling. I just use a casserole dish and it turns out fine

I got this recipe off a website awhile ago and just love it. The lemon is so creamy and yummy and the top is fluffy. Not a pudding as we in North America know it – this is a true English pudding and quite yummy. So- that's my helpful hint of the day. Sometimes, i eat it for supper.

ok- I'm off. Property Law won't read itself, darn it...

To love and win is the best thing. To love and lose, the next best. ~ Logan Elchols
(a little something for all the Veronica Mars fans out there)

Confused? Directionless? No where to turn? Introducing Miss Legal Manners

Miss Legal Manners is a new column that will be appearing occasionally here at sadiebelle. We will try to answer any etiquette related issues, especially as they apply to legal studies. Any queries should be left in the comments section and will answered when we feel like it. Please note that this is in no way legal advice: neither Sadie nor Belle are qualified for that.

Dear Miss Legal Manners,
I am so confused! I recently started attending law school and, well, I don't know what to wear. I am quite torn: do I wear macramé to a court hearing? Do I show off my assets (or my briefs)? and what do I do with my hair?
Please advise me, I simply have no where to turn.

Gentle No Where/ No Wear,
I understand your dilemma. School has always been difficult to dress for and law school presents its own problems. I realize not everyone can acheive the satorial splendor that is Miss Legal Manners (see picture above). However, there are guidelines, rules that one can follow that will ease the difficulty.
1. Never wear macramé. It simply never a good choice. I don't care how "funky" that cardigan may appear in the second hand bin, nor do I care how "sexy" you feel you look while wearing your macramé tank top and a bra. It simply won't do. When one thinks macramé, one thinks of the 1970s and casseroles and communal living: all great fun. Not law school however.
2. Don't wear hats indoors. Ever. This is a rule that one may think has simply gone out of style. Gentlemen of all ages wear hats inside. Women choose to wear any kind of hat at all times. When Miss Legal Manners was young, such ideas were thought of as signs of poor breeding. Times have changed and apparantly, so has the hat rule. Miss Legal Manners does not bend to the tides of changing fashion. Here, then, are the rules of hat wearing. A gentleman takes off his hat when going inside. This is the rule- the LAW if you will. There is no debate on this subject. Miss Legal Manners does not care if you have bad hair or a nice cap or anything really. Take it off. A woman is able to wear *most types* of hats inside, although why one would want to is another question. Care should be taken not to obstruct the view of those around one by the hat. Also, the Carrie Bradshaw newsboy hats? are ugly. And adding flowers or bows a la Miss Bradshaw? Don't make them pretty.

3. Ahhh... the issue of assets and briefs. Now, when Miss Legal Manners was a young girl... but it seems odd somehow to think of the 1980s as a time of modesty when one Miss Madonna Louise Veronica Ciccone was tearing up the charts wearing her Boy Toy belt buckle. But really. How young, how innocent we were. Times have changed and today Miss Legal Manners sees plenty of both assets and briefs on the way to class. Obviously, I don't think this is particularly pleasant viewing, even when it is if you know what I mean and I think you do. My advice? Law school is not a day at the beach- there is no need to dress as if it is.

4. Hair. Well, Miss Legal Manners knows from hair. Although you may not guess it, she has often struggled with hers in her search for the perfect hair. Two small points to consider in choosing a hairstyle. Scrunchies are bad, and should never be used except when washing your face late at night. Secondly, playing with one's hair incessantly makes one look deranged. Or, at the very least, like one is trying to do the deli scene in When Harry Met Sally and that is not the image you want to project in class.

I hope this has been helpful Miss NW/NW. Another resource I use for all things fashion are the Fug Girls at http://gofugyourself.typepad.com They are both useful guides at what not to wear and also very funny to boot. I leave you with a picture which sent chills down my spine, before provoking much laughter. Yes, it's Miss Legal Manner's favorite Beckham wife, Posh Spice! Posing with fashion designer Roberto Cavalli. Enjoy.

Now, off you go! Miss Legal Manners

Dear Miss Legal Manners,

I have a crush on my Prof. Is there something wrong with me? He's not my usual type- he's older and not at all handsome. Whatever shall I do?

Confused in Negligence

Gentle CIN,

Play with someone your own age. Miss Legal Manners

Dear Miss Legal Manners,

I have a crush on another Prof. He's very similar to the first Prof I crushed, but this is all different. He's craggy and less engaging and... he employs the Socratic method. Am I a slut?

Confused in Contracts

Gentle CIC,

Please understand, the academic crush or, as Miss Legal Manner's new friend CGM refers to them, the grandpa crush is perfectly natural. However, it is simply against the Rules to act upon them. And no, not The Rules, that silly book that told women to look busy while waiting for a man to ask her on a date but the Rules- sensible guidelines by which we live our lives. You are a smart (albeit) confused young person with a lot going for you. Now seriously, go play with someone your own age.

Miss Legal Manners

Not! withstanding

Tough Week

I choked in Contracts. It's the weirdest feeling in the world- you are so freaked and struggling and trying to find that word that will end the humiliation. It's just beyond anything I've experienced. Not bad (that comes later) just disorienting. I ended up pulling it together thank heavens: I'd briefed the case, so I knew it. I even shut down Tweetle's yammering, which the prof loved, but it was still pretty horrifying to choke. I'd like to say it won't happen again, but it will. I was prepared and ready and it happened.

And today? I was mean girled! Seriously mean girled in class. Little bee-yotch. She's on the list. Hard to believe that this could get so cliquey so fast but there you go. I was talking to a friend about this and she said that this was more cliquey than anything she'd seen since high school. So at least I'm not alone.

But you know? i love this. this is where I'm supposed to be. the long hours and lack of sleep are ok. I can see others crashing too: one of the guys in class just shut down today. It's nerves and exhaustion and the knowledge that it's another couple of months before a break is in sight. I wouldn't say that I'm thriving. I don't think anyone is. I am surviving.

Running Away
Tonight was the last night of the marathon clinic that I've been involved with. I've seen a couple of our people run their races, heard the stories from another couple people who were in Chicago. It's so wonderful to see people reach their goals (I cried seeing Blair last weekend and watching Ken the weekend before that). And I'm a bit jealous. I miss the training. While I've enjoyed the runs I've been doing lately and have loved the shorter races, I do believe there is another marathon in my near future. Gayle and I have tentatively floated the idea of doing one together which would be fantastic. She's awesome and I think my time would improve quite a bit under her tutelage. And it would give me something non law school to do.

What else? My sweetie is coming this weekend so I'll see someone from outside.

The fearless are merely fearless, only those who act in spite of their fear are truly brave.

Belle's a genius!

Belle Update...

I've been remiss and haven't kept anyone up to date on the most important aspect of this blog: news on Belle. Here's a recent picture of the little one under my desk (her new favorite place to sleep). She doesn't photograph well.

Belle's been doing ok. She isn't in love with the new neighborhood. The dog park is of little interest to her and she hasn't made any dog friends. She misses Einstein. Now, Einstein is Janine's dog and Belle fell in love with him over the summer while we were living in Vanier/ New Edinbrough. She's only seen him once since we've moved to Sandy Hill and she misses him quite a bit. Of course all of this makes me feel like a bad owner.

She hasn't been enthralled by many dogs over the past couple of months. Younger, rambunctious dogs really bore/ annoy her. The other day at the park a bunch of dogs were playing rather rauctiously and she turned around and started walking home. She wouldn't stop long enough for me to put her leash on, she just wanted out of there. It's a part of getting older, I guess and Miss BlueBelle will be 7 years old in December. I know! She's so young looking!

And she's a genius. I did a dog IQ test on her. The test is to put a cookie on the floor and cover it with a dish towel, the length of time it takes for the dog to uncover the cookie? is inversly proportional to their intelligence (the shorter the amount of time? the faster they are). I put the cookie on the floor and off we went. She was eating her breakfast when i put it on the floor. she looked at it, tried to get it, realized it wouldn't be easy and went back to eating her food. After she had finished her food? it took her less than 10 seconds to get the cookie out from under the dish towel. Sure this is only one test. But I think this bodes well for her overall intelligence. Although she did just start barking at Michael, so maybe not...

If all the year were playing holidays, To sport would be as tedious as work.--William Shakespeare

Long Weekend

Canadian Thanksgiving never really meant that much to me until I moved to the US. There it became one of my favorite holidays. I always tried to have a nice meal or something on the Sunday before Canadian Thanksgiving Nothing traditional (can't remember the last time I had a traditional Thanksgiving meal on Thanksgiving) but something nice. Then I moved back to Canada and... not so much.

This year my father is visiting. I hadn't seen him in 3 years so I was very excited. He's been given projects including the storage space downstairs and fixing the lack of closet space in my room and I must say, my place does look pretty good (he's in the storage area downstairs now, I check on him once in awhile). I have spent way too much time at Ikea over the past couple of months but the place is beginning to look pulled together.

And this morning, my father ran his first 5 KM race.

There's a story here. When I was young(er) I was a bookish child. I didn't really play sports (although I loved skating in the winter) and I really wanted to win something. With the annual school track and field day coming up, my father decided he was going to teach me to run. So, we'd go over at nights to the school field and we'd run. I won the blue ribbon for the 50 m dash that year.

I've run throughout the years, I did track and cross country in high school but hadn't really run that much in recent years. Until I moved to Montreal and took it up seriously. Now it's a lifestyle and something I can't imagine not doing for the rest of my life. It's wonderful going to races and seeing people I've gotten to know over the past couple of years, they always feel like a bit of a homecoming.

Dad was coming to town and I thought hmm... Fall Colours Marathon is going on this weekend, maybe we should do a 5? He said yes, Mom said no- I registered him and the rest, as they say, is history. We ran and- well, he's not a runner but the man's a racer. We finished the race holding hands and our names were called together over the loud speaker. I thought it was touching. Anyway-- he finished in the top of his age category! I saw the rankings and started screaming-- pushing Dad into the awards tent just as his name was called and up he went to get his gold! I was so proud!

A picture of us with our bib numbers and medals (I got a "participant" medal- baah!). Please note the all black outfit: my father, the man in black ;)

He rows competitively and is ranked quite highly in the World rankings for his gender and age (in the heavy weight category) you can look up Frank Wilmot on this sight http://www.concept2.com/sranking03/rankings.asp And, I may have started something because I believe I heard him say (over beer later in the day) that maybe he could get Mom into this? Ahahahhahaha! I may never go home for Xmas again.





Also, Jeffrey May- awesome musician and father to my friend Simone- has a new website!
I first heard him play on a lovely Saint Jean Baptiste Day at a street party on St Urbain. It was lovely and perfect-- jazzy, soulful and captured the mood. His site is http://www.jeffmaymusic.com/ If you are in Montreal or headed there and want to hear some great live music, I think you should check him out.

Broken News...

Firstly, an apology. I have lost my voice, can't speak above a whisper. So for anyone thinking I would be calling this weekend, I am sorry. there is no voice with which to speak.There are so many people I should be speaking with and well, can't. Hopefully this will suffice until I'm back on track with a little more time on my hands...

Perley Rideau 5 km

it was a bit chilly in the morning, but we awoke. Michael was suffering from a bit of pre race jitters (mostly in the form of being an ass). We left late (which did wonders for my pre race jitters and my pre race routine). Ok- but we got there, met up with Claudia, warmed up a little. It was pretty small so there were no lines for porta potties or anything.

and we were off. I think i ran pretty steadily for the whole race, Michael passed me at about 2 km and was a couple of paces ahead of me for the rest of the way. I was coughing and spitting and well, a lovely mess. A couple of times I had to stop to just get rid of what was coming up (nice image- sorry). one woman stopped (how sweet!) and asked me if i was ok. I pointed at michael and whispered (no voice- remember?) i'm sick-"that's my roomate, this is his first race and he smokes i have to beat him". she smiled quite sweetly and said "go get him". in the end i finished 30 seconds behind Michael (29:26 - 2 minutes slower than my year's best! but, as my sweetie pointed out, "that's the virus talking"). I saw him finish and felt very proud.

Ms. C had a rough race, as did a lot of people. I think at this time of year people are feeling the results of overtraining and 6 months of racing. She looked amazing when she finished (she always looks good).

I met the young woman who spoke with me -her name is Lori- she told me I had been her inspiration and she just stuck to my tail the whole time. I checked the stats and boy did she! Lori finished at 29:28! anyway she's going to be at Rattle Me Bones next month doing the 10 km. As will Claudia, myself and... Michael! I figure on the longer stretches and if I'm not sick I can take him.

AIDS Walk For Life

Of course I ended up going to the AIDS Walk later that day. Michael's now on the board of a great local organization that walking in it as a group. Somehow, I ended up being filmed lighting candles and later walking while holding the banner for the Pink Triangle Society (how do I end up holding the banner?) so I manged to make my outing in Ottawa complete. First Ed Broadbent and then 11 pm news watchers in the greater Ottawa area.

The number and diversity of groups present was amazing: church groups, a Native Health centre, Planned Parenthood, the Nancy Sinatras (I would have walked with them, but the Pink Triangles reminded me that I wasn't a drag queen- just my luck) and the MAC contingent: Makeup Artists against AIDS (they all looked fantastic). It really brought home the message that AIDS is now an issue outside of any single community and affects us all. I took some pictures of the St. John's Church members who were marching under the banner "Our Church Has AIDS". I thought that was a really brave message to march with and hope that the African churches can take the lead of such brave Christians.

I met some cool people, although communication was very difficult (I can't speak!) here's the link if you'd like to check out the Pink Triangle Society's website http://www.pinktriangle.org/pts_site/Eng/welcome.html

... that's all. I have a lot of work to do today so I should run off.

My Day ... a haiku

wake early- or did i sleep?
between noise and sick, i feel like i've been awake for hours
read the news, see the bad news of today

my dog sleeps
small and warm at my feet
she teaches gratitude for every morning and night
for every dish of food and for every walk

fall cold, sniffles and coughs
dear prof I may be ill
pretty boy smiles -- it's ok

class goes on
understanding comes this morning

the sound of my classmates voices
*tweet tweet tweet*
the library is solace

reading Constitution
(still believe that NS got a bad deal)
c'mon Quebec, it's chicken time
are you gonna blink?

coffee later
good conversation, people seem pretty cool
i refuse to think of people as future networks
but still make plans for later

check email
one from Ms. C (see you tomorrow!)
another from school-

I qualify for extra tutorials because of my age
your extra education doesn't matter, I'm told
because of my age i get special treatment

the weekend is now
tomorrow we run
Michael's first 5 km

i have plans
to volunteer
and go for tea with janine

and find Tina's book
and run 10 km
and read and write and learn the law

inspired by the truly great blog at www.rosie.com
please check out her fabulous voice of dissent - who knew?

By Jove...

Fiddling around while I should be working. Anyway, I just figured out how to post photos so there you go.
Thanks to Jo over at http://www.monkling.blogspot.com./ for the inspiration. You should check out that site, Jo's little guy is pretty cute.

Anyway... here are two long overdue marathon pictures to show you all. Aren't I tough?


The one on the left is after I'd left the lovely and amazing Rita in an attempt to "make my move". Yes, I know I'm an idiot. Rookie mistake.
Who knew that the kms after 35 could be so rough?

The other one is me crossing the finish line. I'm actually making devil horns at a photographer that I thought was taking my picture. Obviously none of that was well thought through.

Ok. enough of this. But now that I know how to post pictures...

Are you freakin' kidding me??

This is what's called a rant. I've tried not to rant too much here because a. if you are reading this chances are you know how i feel and b. most people aren't that interested in my ranting. But I just read this:
http://rawstory.com/news/2005/OReilly_Factor_Rice_defends_Iraq_invasion_in_terms__0915.html
and OH MY GOD!
I always liked Condi, thought she was really intelligent, not that much of an idealogue. I had the feeling (based on a 2003 New Yorker article admittedly) that she hung out with the Bush family out of some kind of personal warmth. I also liked her dress style (yes, i am that superficial).

And now this. in the words of Colin Powell (another Bushie that I liked) they are a bunch of "fucking crazies". Because yes! let's all go for coffee in Baghdad. That's the issue. AHHHHHHH!

I am so angry and fed up by these people and their entire ridiculous attitude on the world. First, prior to the US invasion, suicide bombing and, presumably, the abduction of foreign journalists by insurgents weren't a real factor in Iraqi life. Secondly, it doesn't really matter if Fox correspondants can't get a decent cup of Joe, BILL (you bloody effing moron)-- perhaps we should worry about the troops who are there in basically a hostage situation with little or no way out, little in the way of resources (no body armour, vehicles that aren't armoured, old rifles, undertrained, etc) while HALIBURTON (and bloody effing CHENEY) make a fortune. Perhaps those are factors that should be raised on live TV with the Secretary of State. I heard on 60 Minutes that a group of soldiers from Oregon (reservests I believe-- please correct me if I'm wrong) called up undertrained and sent off to Iraq are using walkie talkies and night vision gear from -wait for it- Radio Shack. That's right. I have figure I have about the same capabilities with my heart rate monitor, modem, cell phone and Belle than they do and they are fighting a war.
Maybe Haliburton, Starbucks and Fox should open a coffee shop in downtown Baghdad. They can protect it, get their Joe and still turn a tidy profit.
Fight the real enemy! Lock and Load! Good Lord, I'm probably on some watch list now.

Blog on: again, some more

ok-- I've moved into the new place and skool (spelling ironic) has started. So, with access to the internet and all this free time (HA!) I'll be blogging more often. I realize I missed August. Sorry.
I'll be posting updates and hopefully, pictures in the next while.
On that note... I'm off for now. More to come. Promise.

Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go. T.S. Elliot

Of Simple Things

I’m now immersed in the No. One Ladies Detective Agency books. I really love this series. It’s very African in their style- or at least a [Southern African] style that I can relate to. They are gentle in tone, sweet and sad; not to be confused with being simple (as things African so often are). Yes, they are simple in construct and the lives depicted may be less “complicated” than the ones I see on a daily basis—but that isn’t to be confused with being simple.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that so often African lives are read as less complex than ours- primitive because they aren’t living in our modern world. Of course, that’s not true. Southern African is rife with such “modern” problems as unemployment, inflation, government corruption, war and of course AIDS. The lives of African people are not primitive (even the San groups depicted in The Gods Must Be Crazy have lives that are very different than those depicted in the film). The simplicity illustrated is more an approach to life.
One of the great moments in the series is the conversation about Freud in the Tears of the Giraffe which was a great example of this. On the surface, it appears that the author is mocking the two conversationalists by providing them with a deliberate misunderstanding of Freud. Instead, the conversation turns out to be a rather brilliant (if sly) mocking of Freud and much of the self absorption that goes along with psychology: of course boys should love their mothers: what is wrong with that? What’s the matter with people who take affront to such things? And the classic African line, “what is the matter with white people anyway?” I’m sure there are readers and reviewers that view these books as part of a colonial agenda, an attempt to portray Africans as simple minded and ignorant or, in that these books are, in the extreme, racist… (I did study social sciences—I can argue anything) but I think they are lovely books and have enjoyed reading them tremendously.

I also picked up a couple of Simon Winchester books at the library, so I have to get cracking on those. I have the new Ruth Riechl book on order and the latest Jonathon Kellerman “Rage”. I want to read more Karen Armstrong (or, you know, finish the book I’ve been reading for YEARS) and Andrew Meldrum and some other good books in the next month or so. Not too much time before I am a law student and unable to read anything other than law every again.

Well, my interest & excitement about studying law has come back. I got my registration package in the mail, must fax them in tomorrow. There’s no real course selection involved at this point: I have to take the same classes as everybody else. The only choice is do I want my small reading group to be torts or criminal law and procedure? I think, with my vast knowledge of criminal law (based solely on Law & Order and Legally Blonde) that perhaps torts is the best bet.

I believe I have a busy night tonight: running with Michael & Jan (really slow, more a warm up really); getting some laundry done (my running clothes may start a rebellion soon); finishing my registration papers; calling Anne to ask about this weekend; preparing lunches; cleaning and, of course, watching Average Joes. I’m bummed that I’ll be missing the finale tomorrow night. But I know Michael would never deign to tape it for me. It’s ok—not like I’ll be missing much.

Work’s ok. I am the master of the phones. Well, sometimes the phones drive me mental (they are messing around with voicemail today so no calls to the second floor are going to voice mail. I may have been a little short (polite, but short) with the edjit trying to “fix” this. So, maybe I’m not the master of this, but I’m enjoying it. Still managed to keep my sense of humor- whenever anyone asks to be on hold for awhile I feel like humming Girl from Ipanema something equally ridiculous. Now, I don’t love this enough to do this full time, mind you. And office politics will always drive me a bit mad. It’s fun though—I heard two sides of the same argument the other day and really? Didn’t phase me in the slightest.
It’s very much a man’s world here. It’s funny but it reminds me of my Dad in so many ways. I mean, the men here are all very earnest, problem solving types, all wearing the same ring! But it’s more than that—it’s like understanding the way my Dad works and the world in which he worked for so long. It’s a trip—this is such an impenetrable male environment. All makes sense. And I miss my Dad.

There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered. – Nelson Mandela

More more more – how do you like it??

Hey look! I’m posting again within a week. Of course no one reads this, so it’s probably beside the point. There’s a whole bunch of things I’d be interested in writing about (the situation in Zimbabwe! The secular humanistic crusade! The inane 60 Minutes report on Sunday and y’know Go Fug Yourself) - but I’m not sure if anyone is actually reading this—if you are, make a comment or something. The only comment I’ve had so far was from boogiestreet telling me to get Belle drunk (thanks homes, but she’s got a low alcohol tolerance and is a bit of a puker). Anywho…

Still on the job--- the phones are seeming a lot less crazy these days (or maybe I’ve just figured them out?). I even mastered paging. I am the courier queen. No dead mice being experimented on by the photocopier. It's all good. Everybody’s so nice—such a change from some of the other places I’ve worked in the past couple of years. I’m sure there are some crazies around but so far so good. I do have wonder if it’s just because I know that the end is in sight? But who cares? I’m only here for another week or so… Besides, I think I’ve identified some office supplies I want.

I ran the 3rd race in the Beaver Chase series last night. I probably won’t get a T shirt for the series this summer. They give them based on the number of races you’ve attended—people who’ve only run two rarely get T shirts. Some guy was complaining that he'd been running the series for three years and still hadn't received a T shirt.
The race itself was a beautiful 6km (4 mile) loop—most of it done on a trail through the woods. I started off too fast (rookie mistake—will I ever learn?), ended up drafting a bit with Helen (an awesome runner) who took off just before the halfway/ water stop point and left me in her dust. Still, I’m ok with my time—felt that it was a good effort. Next time I’ll do better. Claudia was there—she’s on board with my Whitlock scheme. She’s a pretty hilarious and way fast as a runner. Besides, she likes 80s music (last night she was blasting Bananrama) so you gotta love it.


You gotta be...
You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold
You gotta be wiser, you gotta be hard
You gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm
You gotta stay together

SADIEBELLE'S SUMMER BOOK LIST

Libraries are good things. I found the Ottawa City Library. Now, this is a place to use the computer (woo-hoo) a very good thing considering Michael keeps trying to “fix” our web connection which means that I don’t have access 90% of the time. Other than that, it’s also a chance to read books in English. I have been reading a ridiculous number of books in the past couple of weeks. I have been throughly enjoying myself. I figure I have to read the good stuff now before September & law school.

Moving on... here's my recommendations (and a secondary list of books that maybe you'll love more than I did) This awesome booklist contains absolute rants: books I’ve loved that have provided succor and joy to my soul like a cold cloth on a fevered brow. My reactions tend to be unapologetically emotional, thus the order of this list is somewhat arbitrary. My apologies to all that I’ve previously ranted to about these books. Comments and recommendations are welcome (please – someone- make an intelligent comment to something I’ve written)

SMALL WONDER- Barbara Kingslover. A collection of essays inspired and collected in response to 9/11. Beautiful-- covering everything from mother-daughter relationships, ecologically sustainable living, family life, the role of the artist in the world and Barbie dolls. Beautifully written, heartfelt without coming across as overly earnest, its arguements make a compelling case for our interconnectedness with each other. I felt so connected to and positive about my fellow planet dwellers when i had finished the book.

SCRIBBLING THE CAT- Alexandra Fuller. She wrote the earlier memoir, DON’T LET’S GO TO THE DOGS TONIGHT which is a must read primer on growing up in Zimbabwe during the war and the years following Independance. SCRIBBLING THE CAT follows her journey around southern Africa with a former white soldier. It deals with Africa today in its harshest, cruelest light while at the same time talking about redemption, a love for the land and a respect for its history.

UNDER THE BANNER OF HEAVEN - Jon Krakuer. I've wanted to read this book for awhile-- I love Krakaur's writting and Mormonism fascinates me, so it seemed to be a good fit. He looks at the roots of the Mormon faith, its flirtaions with extremism and fundamentalism (into present times) and addresses the place of the Church as a power broker. Great-- sent me on a bit of a Morman reading binge.

LADIES NUMBER ONE DETECTIVE AGENCY - Alexander MacCall Smith. Another Zimbabwean on the list! hmmm.. think I miss Africa much?? Gentle, humourous and fun... a tale of the first Botswanan lady detective using her intuition and knowledge of human behavior (which seems pretty universal). I look forwad to reading the rest of the series. I did try the first in his Isabel Dalhousie series and didn't love it as much. Maybe his gift is writing about Africa and its peoples...

A COOK'S TOUR- Anthony Bourdain. I love this man. Sure he's crazy and violent and hates vegetarians and rude. He smokes like a chimney, drinks like a fish, is a substance abuser of the first order, completly crass and most likely dirty. Nonetheless, I would follow him around the world for a perfect meal, but until that happens, I'll settle for reading about it (see also: KITCHEN CONFIDENTIAL).

THE JANE AUSTEN BOOK CLUB- Karen Joy Fowler. I love Austen, love the idea of an Austenian book club and this is a perfect book. Others that I respect disagree with my love of this book- but I think the author does a wonderful job bringing the elements of the "real" world together with Austen's world. Her books are so true today as they ever were. The Author also has a collection of responses to Ms. Austen's books throughout time.

THE WAY THE CROW FLIES- Anne Marie MacDonald. I didn't take to Fall On Your Knees (I had an idea of what it was about and really didn't feel like "engaging" with it). Mirin, a woman i worked with at the Bone Centre, said that this book was one to read. So I tried it and wow! I couldn't stop. I stayed up at night reading it and just-- was overcome. A mystery, a coming of age story, a story about the choices we make, of family, redemption and love. Absolutely fantastic.

Other books...

• The Other Side of the Story- Marian Keyes. I love Marian Keyes but nothing will ever compare to her opus Rachel's Holiday
• Pandora- Jilly Cooper. A classic Jilly book...
• She's Come Undone-- Wally Lamb. I loved These Things I Know Are True- one of the most beautiful books ever. This one didn't do too much for me. But the woman in the bookstore said it had changed her life, so I had to try it.
• Fire Sale-- Sara Paretsky. I love VI Warshawski- she's tough and smart and politically aware. What's not to love? This is the most recent addition to this series which I've been reading for-- almost as long as I can remember. Her writing style always pulls me in.
  

That's it-- let me know if you've comments, complaints or (even better) recommendations...

It’s the habit of learning to love that’s the thing-- Jane Austen

BLOG ON: newest update

(read previous account first)
blah blah blah... bittercakes...

New temp job! Yours truly is a receptionist at an engineering/ architect firm for the next 2 weeks. I’m filling in for a really sweet woman who’s been here for 20 years and runs the place. She’s awesome: her name is Barb. Why do I always end up filling in for super nice people? It just makes me seem all the more evil in comparison. Working around all these engineers will be interesting… as I said to someone (and I should keep the mouth shut, damnit) “I already know all the engineering jokes”. Sigh. I’m working a switchboard— lots of incoming lines. So far, so good. I was a little shaky about the concept of paging but I think I’ve gotten the hang of it. Of course the downside is that I don't have access to much office supplies. My world for my weight in post it notes...
Everybody's nice. Turns out, one of the women is from Zambia. She married a Zimbabwean, lived in both Harare and Bulawayo and for years). She’s quite lovely, it was great to talk to someone about Africa. Another woman was an expat kid and grew up going to various international schools including ISI (the school I attended in ) from 1987 on (so I missed her by a year). We played the “do you know” game for awhile yesterday—such fun although it was weird to hear the words “Jason Wheatley” after all of this time. She brought in yearbooks. They are hilarious… we all look like babies! Of course we were babies...
It’s been interesting talking to someone about and (as she put it “the profound impact” it made on our lives.) She’s told me some horrific stuff that went on to people I know so I’m quite glad we left when we did. But it’s fun to look at old pictures and memories too.

Running is going well. Still really, REALLY tired, I don’t think I rested enough after the last marathon. The heat isn’t helping. And I’m old (I do feel very old): old and tired and heavy. My legs are just so tired. And I’m beginning to worry about my ankle a bit. It doesn’t hurt but I’m beginning to “feel” it while running. BUT it’s not as stiff as it was way back when. So, I’m training for the Toronto International but I am really wondering how wise this is. I don’t have insurance (and apparently there is no such thing as insurance in —c’mon guys, don’t make me miss QC) so physio seems out of the question. Gail (marathon group leader/ wise running woman extraordinaire) says I should try some ART (Active Release Therapy). So I may have to check that out.
Using the Whitlock Method (as in Ed Whitlock-- over 70 marathon record holder) I have my first race on Tuesday. It's a four miler in the Beaver Chase series-- yes there are T shirts! Claudia (my running buddy/ partner in crime/ competition) and I are going together. She's working the Whitlock method too-- she's pretty strong and she beat my heinie on Thursday (everyone beat my heinie-- fortunately there weren't a lot of people there...)

Moving in a Nutshell: When Not to Move & Boston 2005

MOVING in a NUTSHELL

Note to Self: never, NEVER move during a heat wave.
I once vowed, while traveling in India, that I would be careful about complaining about the heat because India in May? is freakin' hot! 50C in the shade- nightmare stuff. Of course that was before I moved to Ottawa with Michael in the middle of a heat wave.
I was an emotional wreck (I was tired and teary) and Michael was... chain smoking, overbearing and somewhat obnoxious. Oh! it went well. Now, moving sucks. Moving long distance sucks, especially after 3 years in a place and the unknown quantity of what one is moving into. Add in a heat wave, emotional instability, a small dog and Michael being a jackass? It turns into a circle of hell that Dante didn’t conceive of. I’m not sure what the punishment Dante would conceive such a move would be for – moving every1-3 years as a child and not fully appreciating one’s mother? Being a jerk when one’s parents take you around the world at an early age? Mom would get behind either of those, I think, she’d think it was appropriate. She’s got the punitive aspect of the Judeo Christian culture down to a T, our MS. J (it’s a gift, really... HI MOM!)
So- yeah. Michael's ass-dom didn't help either my move or my spirits. It was just so- intrusive, insensitive, and nasty-- definitely a bad sign of things to come. And he gets that self satisfied smirk when he’s being obnoxious and an ass that makes me want to hurt him. I ended up yelling, trying to get him to calm down and stop (for instance) sweeping all of my toiletries into a garbage bag and sticking them in the trunk of the car. I’m still missing the whale that Inneke Te Velde gave me for my 21 birthday. Just a nightmare. I felt so violated, scared and freaked out. It turns out my fears were well placed (more on that later).
Don't love the new place, but then I knew that coming in. Have tentatively unpacked some of my stuff (a few things in the kitchen, clothes I need for job interviews, Belle related items, toiletries and cleaning supplies) but really don't want to unpack a lot. Besides, this place is really dirty and has had no upkeep (the plaster falling from the ceiling in the closet where I had been keeping the cleaning supplies is a case in point). I've done the kitchen (as much as I can do- and to the point where I am comfortable putting plates and cans of food in the cupboards) and the bathroom (the horror! the horror!). My room got a much needed sweep and scrub. The windows are unbelievable, but I figure that the dirt is in lieu of curtains. Michael's not the tidiest of people. Now, I'm a cluttered person. My personal filing technique could be summed up by the word “pile” (although i do have moments of organization). Dishes may accumulate over a day or so. But I am clean. Dirt does not pile up like sand dunes in my room (although it is a constant battle against dog hair. sigh) But dirt? isn't fun. I'm on a full out dirt patrol around here. I think he believes cleaning is for other people.

BOSTON 2005

And I finally got to visit Boston. Max is adorable and it was great to visit with Joanne, Rob & Thor. We didn’t do much. I did get to visit the sacred site of the Boston Marathon finish line. And Joanne and I went to Newbury where we got a manicure. I chose the exact same colour as I did the last time I got a manicure-- pale pink. I am in such a beauty rut... It was funny to see men getting pedicures-- acting all detached and tough about it. What else? Ate well, had some yummy white wine (I love the wine... glad I can have a glass every once in awhile but also glad I don’t enjoy it too much... as will be discussed more in future posts). I also got to run my old route from Jamaica Plain into Harvard Square. I was like a puppy-- so excited and eager and smiling like a lunatic. Runners in Boston tend to be a little competitive. Not many smiles there. A couple of bystanders were encouraging though (it may have been the tight shorts). Running across the Smoot bridge, over the Charles and seeing the CITGO sign. Taking the T back into JP, crossing the Charles on the Salt and Pepper Bridge (I think that’s it-- I always forget their names). Sigh. I’ve missed Boston. I’m glad I didn’t go while I was living in Montreal. I’m not sure I would have been able to return. I don’t miss living in the US, but i miss Boston. I may try to get back there somehow. It was good to be back.

I’ve got to post this-- it’s so out of date, but I want some kind of record of the move from hell, the trip to Boston and y’know- JUNE and JULY 2005.

Lights will guide you home... and ignite your bones. And I will try to fix you.

Leaving Los Verdun

Last day of work today... I knew I was going to be busy and I was. Couldn't sleep so I ended getting in early, and stayed until 5:30. I was overwhelmed when I left- 3 years of Montreal and 2 years of McGill coming to an end. So yes, I started crying. I think everything from the past couple of months has been so overwhelming: breaking up with * and getting into law school and realizing that i had to move sooner than I had planned and running a marathon that I am emotionally really close to the surface (some might say "unstable"). but-- I think it's coming around, I feel less vulnerable. not as teary (although those walking on University around 5:30 this evening may suggest otherwise) anyway: new rule for Ottawa: no crying in public. It's not a look that works for me.

took Belle for a walk along the water this morning-- it was so beautiful. I haven't been down there very often in the past couple of months, but it's a part of living here that's been so great: I have lived on the banks of the St. Lawrence! How cool is that?

Last night it hit me: this is the longest i have ever lived in a single dwelling since I was 15? possibly longer, 12 maybe... Weird, I don't feel too tied to this place. but I'm sure living with Michael will cure that!

I did it! vol. 1

I finished in 4:55! not quite as good as i would have liked but i was very happy to complete and finish well

First, thanks for all the good wishes and love that so many of you sent me. It's an amazing thing to know that quite literally, people are sending you love from all over the world! I saw a commercial on tv and there's a woman who had a child and she's talking about how your life can change and then you are just so thankful. and i don't think i've ever felt quite so overwhelmed and thankful in my life: this has been huge for me on so many levals and I am truly thankful.

I did a negative split! All part of my plan. My second hald was only 2 minutes faster than the first but still, I feel I ran well.

Physically I was ok (a little stiff but ok-- there's a great picture I'll try to post of me icing while clutching a glass of wine the size of my head). My Achilles Tendon decided to act up on the day of (no problems before, just that day... thanks!) and I ended up compensating and bruising my right foot. So, i was limping for awhile. but really? I was in good shape. I ended up in the medical tent for awhile and trust me-- I did fine...

most of the drama was before the race. Peter decided to talk about our relationship on Friday before I left (he left for Europe the Friday night i went to ottawa, i'll be moving while he's away-- somehow there was no time in the previous 2 months to talk to me*). i cried all the way to Ottawa. of course I was so upset I managed to throw my back and neck out. and then I woke up on Sunday and my achilles tendon was bothering me. so that was weird. I got separated from my friends, couldn't find Rita and was throwing up a couple of times at the start. you know it's going to be a weird day when the people at the port-a-potties start trying to figure out if you are pregnant or just plain crazy. my favorite was when i told them about my conversation with * they looked at me and the man said "men are shits-- you'll be fine, this is about you now".

I made it to the starting line. i found Rita and everything turned out ok. I love Rita, can't imagine running without her. sad and co dependant as that may be. and the first half was great, hilarious even. we actually cha-cha-chaed at the Mexican band around 13 kms. i ripped an "elites only" sign off the elites water table (trust me, by the time I got there they were long gone) so everytime Rita and I went my a crowd up the sign would go... WOO HOO! "don't worry folks the elites are here, we had a problem at the porta potties but it's all good now"... such fun! really, we should take our show on the road.

things started to hurt around 25 kms and by 30 i started with the advil gel caps. I understand what they mean when they say dig deep. I picked up the pace a bit but didn't have a lot left for the last 5 km. I started trying to pick up the pace too soon. rookie mistake.

i ended up in the medical tent icing my swollen achilles while dry heaving for awhile after finishing. and did that put things in perspective: it had been so hot & humid that a lot of people were hurting (i saw people falling over!) the whole pacing thing really works: i was hurting but not in any danger. cool huh? of course, i'll be running another marathon, we're talking about September.

* WHAT HE SAID: he cares for me, love me "sometimes" and our relationship was incredibly important to him and he relates to me/ is connected to me emotionally more than anyone else. But, I'm ready to settle down and have kids and he wants to (wait for it-- this is a direct quote) "sow wild oats". But, since we connect emotionally, he'd really like me to stay in his life and be his bestest friend. Y'know, so he can date other women and be emotional with me. No, i didn't tell him to grow up and be an adult. nor did i tell him i am no one's emotional band aid and he should just LEAVE ME ALONE. but that's what i was saying inside. but you know what? somewhere around 35 km i lost all the pain and anger and hurt and frustration. i am better and stronger than all of this. and the fact that he would want me to be in his life like this? just confirms that he's not worthy of me.

Freaking out

I am freaking out...
moving in three weeks- no place to live (no job either-- but i seem to have some prospects).
the marathon is next weekend and i feel less and less prepared all the time. still not sleeping and i have an emotional hair trigger-- i started crying while speaking with a neighbor on the sidewalk the other day. I have become a lunatic.
the good news:
i have friends who love me. i have family that love me.
i am running a marathon in 8 days and 15 hours http://www.ncm.ca/index.php
the chances of an election being called before i can actually work for it (ie am still in QC) are pretty small. i might actually get paid too!
i never have to see (or talk to) * again
i am going to Boston to see Joanne and Max (and Thor and Rob)
i am starting law school soon-- and will be at a completely different place in my life.
i can write
i can dance
i can dream and love
maybe i'm not as bad as i thought?

Me & Dr. Phil

I love Dr. Phil. Sure, he's an arrogant jackass and a blowhard (don't really know what that word means but y'all know it fits Dr. Phil). I just get a kick out of his Texan accent being all sacastic and "helpful". He may actually provide a service of sorts (like Oprah, who I also love yet hold responsible for introducing lots of New Agey words into the national vocabulary). It's all about the downward comparisons for me: sure things might not be exactly where I want them to be right now but I? have never and will never be so f***ed up that I'll appear on his show. and for that? I am thankful. Same with the whole dating reality show thing. My friends and loved ones will not permit me to appear on one of them. Very, very thankful.

I am very excited about the Amazing Race finale tomorrow night. It's one of the best shows (in my opinion) on tv. It just makes me want to travel. I really want to go to St. Petersburg as a result of the show. of course, they go to a lot of places I've always been interested in but St. Petersburg is one of the places I'd never really thought of prior to seeing it on tv. yeah, ok, I'm a loser.

What else? Running is ok. I did 30kms yesterday which felt good. not great, mind but good. I'm running the marathon in less than 3 weeks. I am moving to Ottawa in (probably) 6 weeks. AHHH!

muzzle the dog

I've had to buy my dog a muzzle and she is not happy with me, AT ALL. I've resisted for years, but she keeps eating more and more garbage and, finally, lastFriday night I came home, found her vomit everywhere and just had had enough. I had a complete meltdown. Not pretty. To prevent this from happening again I bought a muzzle. Bev (my Running Room coach who is the uber dog owner) suggests I get an electric collar so that I can break the habit that way. But, if I use that method, I'll have to be trained by professionals first. I'm thinking I'll try the muzzle for awhile.
I put the muzzle on and Belle gets this incredible sulky look on her face and refuses to walk, so i end up pulling her around the block (she weighs 25 lbs-- it's not as easy as it sounds). She puffs her cheeks out trying to get the muzzle off and puts her nose to the ground and drag it as she uses her two front paws to try and rip it off. I feel like such a bad dog owner, pulling her along as she tries to rip it off. Somehow, electric shock therapy doesn't sound like it would be any better. It's been raining for the past week, so Belle's not walking that much anyway, so she hasn't being going to the bathroom that much & the dynamic is a little crazy. Also, one of the reasons Peter (ex boyfriend) broke up with me was because I had a dog (I don't think it was Belle specific), so that makes me feel weird. I love her whole heartedly and the fact that someone dumped me because of that just throws one into a tailspin.

It's cool though that I can now see that relationship (with Peter) more clearly and so much of the hurt and anger seems to be ebbing away. Talking to him the other night really helped. I don't know if we're going to be friends: he did (does) mean a lot to me, but hearing him talk about other women (no matter how tough I am) really makes me cringe.

I've realized that one of the reasons I feel so crappy is that I've been drinking coffee the past month or so, which I'd given up. So that's probably why i feel so headachy and pukey all the time. Coffee is such a drug.

I did get some sleep last night. I went to sleep without the CBC and I turned off the light. I woke up around 4, went back to sleep until 6:30 (didn't get out of bed until 7:30). So-- I may have turned a corner in sleep deprivation. Yahoo! and--I did some dishes and laundry. I even cleaned the house a little.

Tonight I am going out with Sharon-- who is such a party girl who had pretty much the same thing happen to her: she reached the limits of a committment-phobe's abilities. So tough. Beer will be good.

ok-- I've got work to do :( damn it.

Another Day...

Ok-- I've tried this before (blogging I mean). I have been really bad at it, don't keep it up, full of good ideas, no follow through- you get the drift. So, maybe this time won't be different, but I'd like to think it will.

The blog is Sadie Belle. I am Sadie (or at least part of me is) and my dog (standard sized dachshund mix with long black hair) is Belle. It's just easier for me to remember...

I am currently working as a secretary at a university. I really and truly hate this job. The good news is that I am leaving it soon: I'm moving to Ottawa in 9 weeks (more or less) and starting law school in September. And I am pretty excited: a little nauseous, but excited.
In 30 days I am running my first marathon, which is both exciting and nauseating too. Perhaps this is a theme in my life right now.
I was dumped about a month ago by someone I cared a lot about because I was moving to Ottawa (and he doesn't want a dog in his life) so maybe that's where all the nausea is coming from. It sucks. I ended up talking to him last night (first time since he dumped me BY PHONE, because "if we saw each other, i wouldn't be able to do this"). It felt good, ok. I'm over him, or as much as I can be. But, sometimes feeling stick, you know? and that's what feels not so good. But, soon I'll have moved away and then that's that.

What else? still being haunted by a cold (congested) and think running in the rain last night didn't help. My house is a disaster (I really need to clean) and the weekend is coming up! I'm running 34 km this Sunday. Isn't that great?

that's all for now.