Last day of work today... I knew I was going to be busy and I was. Couldn't sleep so I ended getting in early, and stayed until 5:30. I was overwhelmed when I left- 3 years of Montreal and 2 years of McGill coming to an end. So yes, I started crying. I think everything from the past couple of months has been so overwhelming: breaking up with * and getting into law school and realizing that i had to move sooner than I had planned and running a marathon that I am emotionally really close to the surface (some might say "unstable"). but-- I think it's coming around, I feel less vulnerable. not as teary (although those walking on University around 5:30 this evening may suggest otherwise) anyway: new rule for Ottawa: no crying in public. It's not a look that works for me.
took Belle for a walk along the water this morning-- it was so beautiful. I haven't been down there very often in the past couple of months, but it's a part of living here that's been so great: I have lived on the banks of the St. Lawrence! How cool is that?
Last night it hit me: this is the longest i have ever lived in a single dwelling since I was 15? possibly longer, 12 maybe... Weird, I don't feel too tied to this place. but I'm sure living with Michael will cure that!
Thursday, June 09, 2005
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
I did it! vol. 1
I finished in 4:55! not quite as good as i would have liked but i was very happy to complete and finish well
First, thanks for all the good wishes and love that so many of you sent me. It's an amazing thing to know that quite literally, people are sending you love from all over the world! I saw a commercial on tv and there's a woman who had a child and she's talking about how your life can change and then you are just so thankful. and i don't think i've ever felt quite so overwhelmed and thankful in my life: this has been huge for me on so many levals and I am truly thankful.
I did a negative split! All part of my plan. My second hald was only 2 minutes faster than the first but still, I feel I ran well.
Physically I was ok (a little stiff but ok-- there's a great picture I'll try to post of me icing while clutching a glass of wine the size of my head). My Achilles Tendon decided to act up on the day of (no problems before, just that day... thanks!) and I ended up compensating and bruising my right foot. So, i was limping for awhile. but really? I was in good shape. I ended up in the medical tent for awhile and trust me-- I did fine...
most of the drama was before the race. Peter decided to talk about our relationship on Friday before I left (he left for Europe the Friday night i went to ottawa, i'll be moving while he's away-- somehow there was no time in the previous 2 months to talk to me*). i cried all the way to Ottawa. of course I was so upset I managed to throw my back and neck out. and then I woke up on Sunday and my achilles tendon was bothering me. so that was weird. I got separated from my friends, couldn't find Rita and was throwing up a couple of times at the start. you know it's going to be a weird day when the people at the port-a-potties start trying to figure out if you are pregnant or just plain crazy. my favorite was when i told them about my conversation with * they looked at me and the man said "men are shits-- you'll be fine, this is about you now".
I made it to the starting line. i found Rita and everything turned out ok. I love Rita, can't imagine running without her. sad and co dependant as that may be. and the first half was great, hilarious even. we actually cha-cha-chaed at the Mexican band around 13 kms. i ripped an "elites only" sign off the elites water table (trust me, by the time I got there they were long gone) so everytime Rita and I went my a crowd up the sign would go... WOO HOO! "don't worry folks the elites are here, we had a problem at the porta potties but it's all good now"... such fun! really, we should take our show on the road.
things started to hurt around 25 kms and by 30 i started with the advil gel caps. I understand what they mean when they say dig deep. I picked up the pace a bit but didn't have a lot left for the last 5 km. I started trying to pick up the pace too soon. rookie mistake.
i ended up in the medical tent icing my swollen achilles while dry heaving for awhile after finishing. and did that put things in perspective: it had been so hot & humid that a lot of people were hurting (i saw people falling over!) the whole pacing thing really works: i was hurting but not in any danger. cool huh? of course, i'll be running another marathon, we're talking about September.
* WHAT HE SAID: he cares for me, love me "sometimes" and our relationship was incredibly important to him and he relates to me/ is connected to me emotionally more than anyone else. But, I'm ready to settle down and have kids and he wants to (wait for it-- this is a direct quote) "sow wild oats". But, since we connect emotionally, he'd really like me to stay in his life and be his bestest friend. Y'know, so he can date other women and be emotional with me. No, i didn't tell him to grow up and be an adult. nor did i tell him i am no one's emotional band aid and he should just LEAVE ME ALONE. but that's what i was saying inside. but you know what? somewhere around 35 km i lost all the pain and anger and hurt and frustration. i am better and stronger than all of this. and the fact that he would want me to be in his life like this? just confirms that he's not worthy of me.
First, thanks for all the good wishes and love that so many of you sent me. It's an amazing thing to know that quite literally, people are sending you love from all over the world! I saw a commercial on tv and there's a woman who had a child and she's talking about how your life can change and then you are just so thankful. and i don't think i've ever felt quite so overwhelmed and thankful in my life: this has been huge for me on so many levals and I am truly thankful.
I did a negative split! All part of my plan. My second hald was only 2 minutes faster than the first but still, I feel I ran well.
Physically I was ok (a little stiff but ok-- there's a great picture I'll try to post of me icing while clutching a glass of wine the size of my head). My Achilles Tendon decided to act up on the day of (no problems before, just that day... thanks!) and I ended up compensating and bruising my right foot. So, i was limping for awhile. but really? I was in good shape. I ended up in the medical tent for awhile and trust me-- I did fine...
most of the drama was before the race. Peter decided to talk about our relationship on Friday before I left (he left for Europe the Friday night i went to ottawa, i'll be moving while he's away-- somehow there was no time in the previous 2 months to talk to me*). i cried all the way to Ottawa. of course I was so upset I managed to throw my back and neck out. and then I woke up on Sunday and my achilles tendon was bothering me. so that was weird. I got separated from my friends, couldn't find Rita and was throwing up a couple of times at the start. you know it's going to be a weird day when the people at the port-a-potties start trying to figure out if you are pregnant or just plain crazy. my favorite was when i told them about my conversation with * they looked at me and the man said "men are shits-- you'll be fine, this is about you now".
I made it to the starting line. i found Rita and everything turned out ok. I love Rita, can't imagine running without her. sad and co dependant as that may be. and the first half was great, hilarious even. we actually cha-cha-chaed at the Mexican band around 13 kms. i ripped an "elites only" sign off the elites water table (trust me, by the time I got there they were long gone) so everytime Rita and I went my a crowd up the sign would go... WOO HOO! "don't worry folks the elites are here, we had a problem at the porta potties but it's all good now"... such fun! really, we should take our show on the road.
things started to hurt around 25 kms and by 30 i started with the advil gel caps. I understand what they mean when they say dig deep. I picked up the pace a bit but didn't have a lot left for the last 5 km. I started trying to pick up the pace too soon. rookie mistake.
i ended up in the medical tent icing my swollen achilles while dry heaving for awhile after finishing. and did that put things in perspective: it had been so hot & humid that a lot of people were hurting (i saw people falling over!) the whole pacing thing really works: i was hurting but not in any danger. cool huh? of course, i'll be running another marathon, we're talking about September.
* WHAT HE SAID: he cares for me, love me "sometimes" and our relationship was incredibly important to him and he relates to me/ is connected to me emotionally more than anyone else. But, I'm ready to settle down and have kids and he wants to (wait for it-- this is a direct quote) "sow wild oats". But, since we connect emotionally, he'd really like me to stay in his life and be his bestest friend. Y'know, so he can date other women and be emotional with me. No, i didn't tell him to grow up and be an adult. nor did i tell him i am no one's emotional band aid and he should just LEAVE ME ALONE. but that's what i was saying inside. but you know what? somewhere around 35 km i lost all the pain and anger and hurt and frustration. i am better and stronger than all of this. and the fact that he would want me to be in his life like this? just confirms that he's not worthy of me.
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