Confused? Directionless? No where to turn? Introducing Miss Legal Manners

Miss Legal Manners is a new column that will be appearing occasionally here at sadiebelle. We will try to answer any etiquette related issues, especially as they apply to legal studies. Any queries should be left in the comments section and will answered when we feel like it. Please note that this is in no way legal advice: neither Sadie nor Belle are qualified for that.

Dear Miss Legal Manners,
I am so confused! I recently started attending law school and, well, I don't know what to wear. I am quite torn: do I wear macramé to a court hearing? Do I show off my assets (or my briefs)? and what do I do with my hair?
Please advise me, I simply have no where to turn.

Gentle No Where/ No Wear,
I understand your dilemma. School has always been difficult to dress for and law school presents its own problems. I realize not everyone can acheive the satorial splendor that is Miss Legal Manners (see picture above). However, there are guidelines, rules that one can follow that will ease the difficulty.
1. Never wear macramé. It simply never a good choice. I don't care how "funky" that cardigan may appear in the second hand bin, nor do I care how "sexy" you feel you look while wearing your macramé tank top and a bra. It simply won't do. When one thinks macramé, one thinks of the 1970s and casseroles and communal living: all great fun. Not law school however.
2. Don't wear hats indoors. Ever. This is a rule that one may think has simply gone out of style. Gentlemen of all ages wear hats inside. Women choose to wear any kind of hat at all times. When Miss Legal Manners was young, such ideas were thought of as signs of poor breeding. Times have changed and apparantly, so has the hat rule. Miss Legal Manners does not bend to the tides of changing fashion. Here, then, are the rules of hat wearing. A gentleman takes off his hat when going inside. This is the rule- the LAW if you will. There is no debate on this subject. Miss Legal Manners does not care if you have bad hair or a nice cap or anything really. Take it off. A woman is able to wear *most types* of hats inside, although why one would want to is another question. Care should be taken not to obstruct the view of those around one by the hat. Also, the Carrie Bradshaw newsboy hats? are ugly. And adding flowers or bows a la Miss Bradshaw? Don't make them pretty.

3. Ahhh... the issue of assets and briefs. Now, when Miss Legal Manners was a young girl... but it seems odd somehow to think of the 1980s as a time of modesty when one Miss Madonna Louise Veronica Ciccone was tearing up the charts wearing her Boy Toy belt buckle. But really. How young, how innocent we were. Times have changed and today Miss Legal Manners sees plenty of both assets and briefs on the way to class. Obviously, I don't think this is particularly pleasant viewing, even when it is if you know what I mean and I think you do. My advice? Law school is not a day at the beach- there is no need to dress as if it is.

4. Hair. Well, Miss Legal Manners knows from hair. Although you may not guess it, she has often struggled with hers in her search for the perfect hair. Two small points to consider in choosing a hairstyle. Scrunchies are bad, and should never be used except when washing your face late at night. Secondly, playing with one's hair incessantly makes one look deranged. Or, at the very least, like one is trying to do the deli scene in When Harry Met Sally and that is not the image you want to project in class.

I hope this has been helpful Miss NW/NW. Another resource I use for all things fashion are the Fug Girls at http://gofugyourself.typepad.com They are both useful guides at what not to wear and also very funny to boot. I leave you with a picture which sent chills down my spine, before provoking much laughter. Yes, it's Miss Legal Manner's favorite Beckham wife, Posh Spice! Posing with fashion designer Roberto Cavalli. Enjoy.

Now, off you go! Miss Legal Manners

Dear Miss Legal Manners,

I have a crush on my Prof. Is there something wrong with me? He's not my usual type- he's older and not at all handsome. Whatever shall I do?

Confused in Negligence

Gentle CIN,

Play with someone your own age. Miss Legal Manners

Dear Miss Legal Manners,

I have a crush on another Prof. He's very similar to the first Prof I crushed, but this is all different. He's craggy and less engaging and... he employs the Socratic method. Am I a slut?

Confused in Contracts

Gentle CIC,

Please understand, the academic crush or, as Miss Legal Manner's new friend CGM refers to them, the grandpa crush is perfectly natural. However, it is simply against the Rules to act upon them. And no, not The Rules, that silly book that told women to look busy while waiting for a man to ask her on a date but the Rules- sensible guidelines by which we live our lives. You are a smart (albeit) confused young person with a lot going for you. Now seriously, go play with someone your own age.

Miss Legal Manners